Openness is key in a relationship. But hard to do. How to open up again after you've been hurt.

The more I evolve; the more I realize that open and honest communication is something I have not been doing in my romantic relationships. I by nature am a very private person. So faced with the opportunity to open up to someone, I naturally run and hide. Add to that some hurt I have experienced; and voila! Walls around my heart. I have mastered the art of answering questions in ways that keep my secrets super close to my chest but create a false sense of intimacy with the person I am speaking to. Or so I thought. I was called out recently for my bad behavior. All I could do was admit the truth.

I live by the motto “All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.” 
― Gabriel García Márquez, Gabriel García Márquez: a Life

But my secretiveness is preventing me from finding the one. How do you open yourself up again after you have been hurt? Here are 10 ways to open up to love again.

1. Let Go of the Past. You can’t take heartbreak with you into the next relationship. It may be very difficult to ignore what has happened to you but it’s unfair to allow that heartbreak to shape your other relationships. Every single interaction we have in our lives is meant to teach us something, even if the lessons are hard to learn. Let go of the past so that you can have a different future.

2. Appreciate the Lessons. If I could have gone through life and never experienced heartache, pain, and disappointment, I would have. Yet, every lesson I learned has made me a better more compassionate, and empathetic human being. It’s possible that I may have never been the person I am today without them. Appreciate the lessons you have learned in life. Although painful, you never know how you can use that pain to fulfill your purpose.

3. Leave bitterness and resentment by the waste side. When you have been hurt it can be easy to assume everyone is bad and out to do harm. Instead of being stuck in your feelings of pain, learn to forgive. Realize that the person who hurt you wasn’t meant for you. There’s nothing you could have done to change their behavior. All you can do is be the best version of yourself.

4. Time is your friend. After you have been hurt it’s understandable to need time to heal. Give yourself the time you need. When you truly heal from pain, you are least likely to bring the past with you into a new experience. Then you can move on to have a more fulfilling relationship.

5. The Universe Has Your Back. Trust in what the Universe is bringing to you. Sometimes the Universe has better plans than we could ever imagine. Let go of the things that you cannot change. Put faith in the fact that your life will develop in the way it needs to. And always know the universe has your back.

6. Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself. Sometimes when we look at the past, we see it through rose-colored glasses. Let honesty guide your choices. It may reveal things you might not have seen the first time around.

7. Enjoy the Single Life. If you decide that you need time alone. Enjoy it! There is nothing like falling in love with yourself. The time you spend alone will help you to identify what you are looking for in the next relationship.

8. Acceptance is Key. People have a hard time accepting the truth. If you put into practice the acceptance of yourself, others, and what is; life will be much easier to manage. Acceptance helps you to realize that love is a gamble. A gamble that is never guaranteed but always worth it.

9. Try Again. Failure is a big part of life; including in the romance department. One or more failed relationships do not signify that it will always be that way. We learn, grow, and change constantly. After you have mourned the loss of the relationship, go out and try again. You will find hope in that which is new.

10. You are Meant to be Loved. Love is one of the most powerful feelings in the world. Everyone is meant to experience it. But you cannot receive love until you first love yourself. Know that if you are alive, you are destined to be loved. Find that love and cherish it when you do.

    Being open is easier said than done. Especially if you have been burned. It can feel better to hide and protect yourself from the world. But the reality is that in doing so you are actually limiting yourself from advancing into the next stage of your life. Trust in the lessons you have learned to guide you to where you need to be. Stay true to who you are. Know that by being open you could be inviting your next great epic love.